September 16, 2012
One morning I was on the bus heading to work and heard a woman talking about another woman that "needs to do for herself and stop hating on her" This inspired me to write a blog about intimidation.
I have 3 degrees in accounting and worked hard to get those degrees. I didn't get any help from nobody (except a place to eat and sleep thanks to my mom and grandparents). I was determined to finish school and did whatever was necessary to accomplish that goal. I'm proud to say that I am accomplished.
My mom finished with a Masters degree and she's planning on going back to get her degree in Human Resources. All my siblings are in school (high school and college) so they have goals of their own. The whole point is this: "WE ALL HAVE GOALS"
Barack Obama became president of the United States when he won the 2008 election.
2012, we had many winners in the Olympic Games and for one person, the only thing that was talked about is her hair not being done. All of this is a sign of intimidation.
I've done through many interviews and every time they see me, they notice that I'm black, I'm educated and I'm a male. I've gotten rejected many times and that is because I'm educated, I'm black and I'm a male. They're intimidated by me because I'm not going to be a long term employee in their small, medium or large company. I have goals, aspirations, dreams, obligations and will power to be a successful educated, black gay male who will have his freedom and never see a jail cell.
Intimidation isn't prejudiced because anybody can hate on the next man for one reason - THEY'RE NOT IN THE PERSON'S SHOES. It comes from many social-economical factors (ignorance, hostile environment, jealousy, depression, etc.). The question now is when will one stop being a hater and start doing for themselves? When will that brotha in the baggy jeans standing in the corner just stop being a stereotypical urban dude and make a change? When will the black female with kids just stop being so dependent on the government and make a change? When will that white man just stop being so bitter over something that didn't have nothing to do with him or the white female who always drink to ease the pain away?
Instead of hating or being intimidated by the next man/woman, do something to better yourself. There's a line from a song by Common that says "How can a man be so scared of change?" How come man is so scared of change? Is it because change is hard (even though it's good)? Is it because it would make them less of a stereotypical and not more as a go-getter? Would they become less something they're not used to because they refuse to be different? Would they rather watch the other person do it first and then "dip their feet into the water?"
The better solution would be to just stop asking and start doing. Nothing's easy but nobody should feel intimidated and become a hater. Step your game up so you can be on the same level as the next man. You only hurting yourself by not having the potential to do better for yourself.
My mom called me an intimidator back in July after one of my aunts passed. I thought about it and I say this: I'm not perfect or better than anybody; but at the end of the day, I worked hard for my goals, I never slipped and I kept believing. That's all I can do. I wasn't in the streets, never did drugs and never got drunk. I got picked on in school but I managed to finish and not give up. So if I'm an intimidator, I'm a very good one
Not trying to be a pastor, but I need for my people to do better and stop this nit-picking intimidating haterness and actually do something for yourself.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Did I Miss Something
September 15, 2012
At one point or another, we've all asked this question when ti comes to all types of relationships (dating, marriage, etc). Why didn't he call me back? What's going on? Did I miss something?
What inspired me to write this blog?
- A gay dude gets mad because his boyfriend didn't call him one night. His boyfriend explained what happened (which I'll give him credit) & it was legit. After he sang to him over the phone and told him that he loved him, he got all happy again.
- A professional lady jumped to conclusions because her boyfriend didn't text her back one day after a conversation they had. She sent him a long email breaking up with him because he wasn't giving her any attention (affection). So now she's single after the dude sent her nice text messages and read her email.
True story, I was getting to know a particular dude who lived in West Philadelphia and one day, he said he was going to call because we were supposed to meet up after I finish class. I waited for his call to the point I started getting pissed. I finished my class & caught the Market-Frankford El to 15TH Street Station. Once I got there, he finally calls and I laid him out for not calling. He was in the hospital the whole time. Once he told me that, I was dumb find like Ooh... Oops. That was the only time that it happened to me. After that, we both knew that it wouldn't work between us; I take the blame.
On the other side of that, I was getting to know Alex, an older dude in Virginia. I told him in advance that I was helping my grandpa over the weekend and I won't have the phone on me (since we'll be in his garage). After my grandpa & I finished in the garage, I saw that I had missed calls and texts from Alex. I called him back because we were supposed to go to Smithfield for a home show. He got pissed because I didn't call to check up on him. Now:
1. I already told him in advance I wouldn't have the phone around me while I'm helping my grandpa
2. Commons sense would've told you I'll call you when I'm done.
We've tried to get to know each other for 2 months and it didn't work out.
Lessons and advice I'd like to share (also learned myself):
1. Make yourself occupied - Until you hear from him (or her); make yourself busy. That way, you wouldn't spend your day worrying about an expecting call. Go hang out w/ your friends, exercise, go shopping, etc. OCCUPY YOUR TIME; KEEP YOURSELF BUSY!
2. PLAN, PLAN, PLAN IN ADVANCE - Yes you must communicate (even if you're just dating). Let him know in advance what's going on with you so he'll know what he needs to do and vice versa. Ask him questions and if he fails to answer them, still keep yourself occupied. If he doesn't know what he's doing, give him time to think and if he still can't come up with a plan (even if it's nothing) than that's on him.
3. SPACE...VERY IMPORTANT - yes I just said the S word...SPACE...we have all obligations to meet, we all have goals to reach. When you're with somebody, you'll clash for no reason. Some of us need constant attention and get mad (going through alot of emotions) when we don't get it. Some of us are parents, students, professionals, celebrities, etc. We all have goals and obligations that must be met. I'll even say some of us have jobs. My point is, we all need space. If you can't understand that, then you need to evaluate yourself.
Through out of all, you can only blame yourself for being insecure, selfish, stubborn, weak, controlling and self-indulging. You can't do petty things to everybody. Otherwise, you'll end up alone. Do something productive and quit wondering when he will call because you don't wanna miss anything. I understand you like/love him and you wanna spend more time with him, you miss his company, you need his time, whatever. HOWEVER, we all have goals to reach and obligations to meet.
So quit sitting there with the phone in your hand; waiting on him to call. He'll call you when he's available to talk.
At one point or another, we've all asked this question when ti comes to all types of relationships (dating, marriage, etc). Why didn't he call me back? What's going on? Did I miss something?
What inspired me to write this blog?
- A gay dude gets mad because his boyfriend didn't call him one night. His boyfriend explained what happened (which I'll give him credit) & it was legit. After he sang to him over the phone and told him that he loved him, he got all happy again.
- A professional lady jumped to conclusions because her boyfriend didn't text her back one day after a conversation they had. She sent him a long email breaking up with him because he wasn't giving her any attention (affection). So now she's single after the dude sent her nice text messages and read her email.
True story, I was getting to know a particular dude who lived in West Philadelphia and one day, he said he was going to call because we were supposed to meet up after I finish class. I waited for his call to the point I started getting pissed. I finished my class & caught the Market-Frankford El to 15TH Street Station. Once I got there, he finally calls and I laid him out for not calling. He was in the hospital the whole time. Once he told me that, I was dumb find like Ooh... Oops. That was the only time that it happened to me. After that, we both knew that it wouldn't work between us; I take the blame.
On the other side of that, I was getting to know Alex, an older dude in Virginia. I told him in advance that I was helping my grandpa over the weekend and I won't have the phone on me (since we'll be in his garage). After my grandpa & I finished in the garage, I saw that I had missed calls and texts from Alex. I called him back because we were supposed to go to Smithfield for a home show. He got pissed because I didn't call to check up on him. Now:
1. I already told him in advance I wouldn't have the phone around me while I'm helping my grandpa
2. Commons sense would've told you I'll call you when I'm done.
We've tried to get to know each other for 2 months and it didn't work out.
Lessons and advice I'd like to share (also learned myself):
1. Make yourself occupied - Until you hear from him (or her); make yourself busy. That way, you wouldn't spend your day worrying about an expecting call. Go hang out w/ your friends, exercise, go shopping, etc. OCCUPY YOUR TIME; KEEP YOURSELF BUSY!
2. PLAN, PLAN, PLAN IN ADVANCE - Yes you must communicate (even if you're just dating). Let him know in advance what's going on with you so he'll know what he needs to do and vice versa. Ask him questions and if he fails to answer them, still keep yourself occupied. If he doesn't know what he's doing, give him time to think and if he still can't come up with a plan (even if it's nothing) than that's on him.
3. SPACE...VERY IMPORTANT - yes I just said the S word...SPACE...we have all obligations to meet, we all have goals to reach. When you're with somebody, you'll clash for no reason. Some of us need constant attention and get mad (going through alot of emotions) when we don't get it. Some of us are parents, students, professionals, celebrities, etc. We all have goals and obligations that must be met. I'll even say some of us have jobs. My point is, we all need space. If you can't understand that, then you need to evaluate yourself.
Through out of all, you can only blame yourself for being insecure, selfish, stubborn, weak, controlling and self-indulging. You can't do petty things to everybody. Otherwise, you'll end up alone. Do something productive and quit wondering when he will call because you don't wanna miss anything. I understand you like/love him and you wanna spend more time with him, you miss his company, you need his time, whatever. HOWEVER, we all have goals to reach and obligations to meet.
So quit sitting there with the phone in your hand; waiting on him to call. He'll call you when he's available to talk.
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