Did I Miss Something

September 15, 2012

At one point or another, we've all asked this question when ti comes to all types of relationships (dating, marriage, etc).  Why didn't he call me back? What's going on? Did I miss something?

What inspired me to write this blog?

- A gay dude gets mad because his boyfriend didn't call him one night.  His boyfriend explained what happened (which I'll give him credit) & it was legit.  After he sang to him over the phone and told him that he loved him, he got all happy again.

- A professional lady jumped to conclusions because her boyfriend didn't text her back one day after a conversation they had.  She sent him a long email breaking up with him because he wasn't giving her any attention (affection).  So now she's single after the dude sent her nice text messages and read her email.  

True story, I was getting to know a particular dude who lived in West Philadelphia and one day, he said he was going to call because we were supposed to meet up after I finish class.  I waited for his call to the point I started getting pissed.  I finished my class & caught the Market-Frankford El to 15TH Street Station.  Once I got there, he finally calls and I laid him out for not calling.  He was in the hospital the whole time.  Once he told me that, I was dumb find like Ooh... Oops.  That was the only time that it happened to me.  After that, we both knew that it wouldn't work between us; I take the blame.

On the other side of that, I was getting to know Alex, an older dude in Virginia.  I told him in advance that I was helping my grandpa over the weekend and I won't have the phone on me (since we'll be in his garage).  After my grandpa & I finished in the garage, I saw that I had missed calls and texts from Alex.  I called him back because we were supposed to go to Smithfield for a home show.  He got pissed because I didn't call to check up on him.  Now:

1. I already told him in advance I wouldn't have the phone around me while I'm helping my grandpa

2. Commons sense would've told you I'll call you when I'm done.  

We've tried to get to know each other for 2 months and it didn't work out. 

Lessons and advice I'd like to share (also learned myself):

1.  Make yourself occupied - Until you hear from him (or her); make yourself busy.  That way, you wouldn't spend your day worrying about an expecting call.  Go hang out w/ your friends, exercise, go shopping, etc.  OCCUPY YOUR TIME; KEEP YOURSELF BUSY!

2.  PLAN, PLAN, PLAN IN ADVANCE - Yes you must communicate (even if you're just dating).   Let him know in advance what's going on with you  so he'll know what he needs to do and vice versa.  Ask him questions and if he fails to answer them, still keep yourself occupied.  If he doesn't know what he's doing, give him time to think and if he still can't come up with a plan (even if it's nothing) than that's on him.

3.  SPACE...VERY IMPORTANT - yes I just said the S word...SPACE...we have all obligations to meet, we all have goals to reach.  When you're with somebody, you'll clash for no reason.  Some of us need constant attention and get mad (going through alot of emotions) when we don't get it.  Some of us are parents, students, professionals, celebrities, etc.  We all have goals and obligations that must be met.  I'll even say some of us have jobs.  My point is, we all need space.  If you can't understand that, then you need to evaluate yourself.

Through out of all, you can only blame yourself for being insecure, selfish, stubborn, weak, controlling and self-indulging.  You can't do petty things to everybody.  Otherwise, you'll end up alone.  Do something productive and quit wondering when he will call because you don't wanna miss anything.  I understand you like/love him and you wanna spend more time with him, you miss his company, you need his time, whatever. HOWEVER, we all have goals to reach and obligations to meet.  

So quit sitting there with the phone in your hand; waiting on him to call.  He'll call you when he's available to talk.